


Sweet Misery

by Constellatius



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-13
Updated: 2014-01-13
Packaged: 2018-01-08 14:45:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1133884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Constellatius/pseuds/Constellatius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean prays for his friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweet Misery

He Prays.

Dean knows Cas can’t hear him but he prays anyway.

Mary used to pray with Dean every night before they went to bed. With gentle hands, she cupped his and showed him how to pray to the angels. They would kneel down next to his bed; her nighty fanning out around her, Dean wondered why he was praying to the angels when there was one right next to him. He had asked his mama one day and she had kissed his cheek with tears in her eyes.

Dean would always ask the angels to keep his family safe, to watch over them and make mommy happy. The night she died Dean remembers his mama sitting him down on her lap, her hair tickling his face as she read him a story. He had prayed, her arms wrapped around him, her hands covering his own. She didn’t speak that night, just held him close until he fell asleep.

Dean didn’t pray again after that night, even when Dad would disappear for weeks on end or when he supposed to pray at school. He didn’t believe that angels were real after they allowed his mama to be taken away.

The first time Dean prayed after his mama died, he cried. Tears marking his cheeks, his hands shook as he held them together. Cas had fluttered down a few seconds later, landing softly almost quiet except for the sound of wings. He had reached out for Dean, a warm hand on his shoulder. Dean had slumped under the weight, his chest tightening as Cas simply stayed with him. He found a black feather on his pillow that night.

Cas is fallen now. He can’t leave Dean anymore feathers on pillows, he can’t fly to him instantly, he isn’t here when Dean wants him to be.

It is his own fault. He kicked him out.

He left because Dean made him leave. His chest, no his heart aches, limbs heavy and his head feels like it is going to burst. He knows he is acting like a teenage girl going through a break up but he doesn’t care.

His bed is comfortable and he doesn’t want to leave it. At least here, he can wear the shirt Cas left behind and not have Sam looking at him with pity. He ignored his phone when it rings. He knows it is Sam telling him to get out of bed. He will soon, he just wants to rest now.

They don't have a hunt and the bunker has nearly been explored completely. Kevin has left Dean with a pile of video games, he gave him a pitying look as he left the room. Dean had thrown his pillow at the door and stayed in bed, curled under the covers with a book he wasn't reading.

He feels his eyes start to get heavy, phantom arms wrap around his waist. A chin hooks ever his shoulder and a muscular leg slips in between his own. He can almost smell Castiel. Almost feel his heart beat against Dean’s back and his thumbs stroke under his shirt.

Dean prays before he sleeps. He knows Cas can’t hear him but it brings him comfort, connection to his best friend. He tells Cas he is sorry, truly sorry. Tells him how it felt to finally have the dark haired man in his grasp only to lose him once again. He tells him to stay safe and look after himself. He tells him to keep his phone charged and ward himself. He tells Cas about his day, about watching a full series of Dr Sexy on Netflix, that when he comes home Dean will introduce the two.

With his eyes slipping shut and his body enveloped in warmth, He promises Cas that he will bring him home.

 


End file.
